


The MTT Christmas Variety Show Extravaganza! TM

by WyrdeKid



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, i hope I've captured his diva but not a total jerk aesthetic, i'm sorry i just watched too much snl and i had disastrous variety show holiday specials on the mind, lots of mettaton
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-08 22:42:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5515982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WyrdeKid/pseuds/WyrdeKid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Did the world need the main cast flubbing up Mettaton's first above ground Christmas special? No? Well, too bad here it is!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if this feels rushed, I might beef it out a bit later, I just wanted this up in time for Christmas.  
> I hope you like it! (Metta sure won't)

"Hello and welcome, one and all, to the MTT Christmas Variety Show ExtravaganzaTM! As always, I'm Mettaton and I'll be your host. Tonight, introducing myself is far more than a formality as this is a very special, landmark production!" He paused a moment. 

"How you ask? Well, this is our very first holiday special on the surface! That's right darlings, this show right here, right now will be dazzlingly broadcasted to both monster and human homes alike! So sit tight, we've got a great show for you all." Mettaton made his closing comment before the pre-filmed introductory credits started up. He made his way backstage to check on everyone while stagehands set the scene for the opening sketch.

As expected, the backstage was pure chaos. Several workers, both human and monster, ran around holding colored film for the stage lights or chasing an actor with a make-up kit. The stage manager, who had been yelling at a stagehand for almost breaking a reindeer prop, turned to him and smiled calmly.

"Great intro sir, your cousin is in make-up and they're asking for you." Then her smile faded and she walked away yelling at some unfortunate soul through her headset.

That wasn't his concern though, Blooky was. As he feared, they were laying down underneath a table with a miserable look on their face. He sat down next to them, not wanting to lay down and mess up his hair. He let a few precious minutes pass before he said anything. 

"Blooky, what's going on? Did you eat something?"

They shook their head. "No, I just... I don't know if I should be on your show."

"Blooky how could you even say that? This show needs you! I need you!"

Napstablook perked up at that. "Really?"

"Of course!" Mettaton stood up and held his hand out to his cousin. Symbolically, of course, as they were unable to actually physically accept the offer. Feeling sufficiently cheered up, Blook got up and followed Mettaton to the green room where the other performers were getting ready. As soon as the door opened, Frisk bounded out and tackled Mettaton.

"Gotcha!" They looked up at him and giggled. He smiled. Normally, this would annoy him a bit, but... Frisk was special. They were pretty high up on his list of "People I Can Never Fully Repay", so if they wanted to jump on his legs, they got to do just that.

Frisk moved on to Napstablook and Mettaton went to greet the others. Papyrus was still trying to make everything green, as he somehow got it in his head that the room's name was literal. It took a herculean amount of effort on Mettaton's part to not even look irritated, as Frisk told him Papyrus was very important and should be treated with respect. Also, something about his brother... it made Mettaton not want to get on his bad side. Before he could tell Papyrus to stop painting the couch, his watch beeped. 

"Oh damn it, next act is on." He whispered to himself before speaking to the room. "Okay, next act is on! Frisk, where are you?" They toddled over.

"We're ready Mettaton!" They cheered, visibly excited to be on a TV broadcast that wasn't the news.

Mettaton's grin was now more forced than ever. Not only had Frisk insisted all their friends get starring roles in the show, but there was a certain someone they refused to go onstage without. The mere thought churned his mechanical, supposedly churn-proof stomach.   
-  
"Hello again darlings! Wasn't that funny? Yes, let's hear it for Burgerpants, Bratty, and Catty for their performance. Up next is a name you all know, our savior and ambassador, that little darling Frisk!" The studio audience cheered without any aid from the glowing, neon APPLAUSE sign. There was, however, an audible cough from off to his side. It was Frisk and their... regrettable co-star. He continued.

"Yes, they will be singing a song for us, accompanied by... Flowey. The flower." The audience kept on cheering, blissfully unaware of how unbearable this thing was. But, of course, Frisk loved everything, even evil flowers. 

Even killer robots. 

As he walked off stage and passed Frisk, they smiled at him. He stayed off to the side and watched as human and flower sang and "danced" (there was only so much a potted plant could be choreographed to do).

"And I - saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus!" Frisk sang with all their heart, their voice only a bit off-key. They were a child and trying their best, so he didn't mind. The flower however, was consistently flat, seemingly abjectly refusing to do anyone a single favor and at least try to do well. The stress of it all was giving him a migraine so bad it made him want to ask Alphys to cut his nerves.

Frisk would do fine and Flowey would suck with or without him there, he decided. Besides, he needed to rest a minute before his sketch came on. Back to the green room for a cocoa and a quick check up on Blooky.

Or so he had wanted. 


	2. Chapter 2

Before his hand was even on the doorknob he knew something had gone wrong, as muffled shouting and crashing was quite audible. Inside, Undyne and Papyrus were in what looked to be an intense sparring match. She kept flicking his soul green and was throwing spears with wild abandon, while he countered when he could with bone strikes that had a tendency to hit a lot of things other than just spears. Like lamps. And chairs. And coffee tables. Blook was sitting with a lamp shade on their head, and Alphys was in the corner of the room with her face in her hands while Toriel was comforting some terrified human interns hiding behind an overturned couch. 

"I promise you are in no danger, and they're both very nice people. They just get-" she was cut off by Undyne lifting Papyrus and throwing him against the couch barricade. "-a bit carried away." She finished as Papyrus got up and gleefully lifted the overturned couch with his magic to throw at his friend.

He never got to use it.

"Everyone, stop!" Mettaton shouted with much more ferocity then he looked like he could muster. It stunned everyone into silence and stillness, even Undyne. Papyrus dropped the couch on Toriel's foot, which caused her to react with a bit of magic, setting the thing on fire.

Mettaton stared at the destroyed green room a moment, watched as the small trickle of fire consumed the couch, threatening a nearby table. No, not right now. Not his problem, not right now.

"I. Need. Alphys." He pointed at the scientist, who then slowly shuffled closer, climbing over the rubble of the destroyed room, avoiding the burning couch.

Once she reached him, he took in a deep breath.

"Thank you." He, somewhat forcefully, grabbed her hand and turned out of the room.  
-  
"Metta, I'm really sorry. Papyrus was just making things green and Undyne said his soul could be green and then one of them threw a chair and-" He put his hand on her mouth.

"Alphys. It's fine." He didn't make eye contact, just kept that same near furious expression. Then he took in another deep breath as he had before, held it, and turned to look at her with a sunny expression.

"So, Alphy darling, are you ready for our cooking segment?" 

She looked at him, her eyes wide and untrusting

"Ye-Yeah. Yup, ready." She smiled, still uneasy about his tone shift.

"Great, Frisk and the flower should be just about done by now, so-" he stopped as an intern ran up to put a chef hat and apron on him. "- I will see you on set!" With that, he walked back out onstage as Frisk walked off, Flowey in hand. 

They stopped when they saw Alphys.

"Are you and Metta okay? You look a little-" they made a face and waved their arms.

"It's something like that." Alphys patted them on the head as she walked up to wait for her cue.

"So now without further ado, Alphys!" He waved her over and, albeit nervously, she responded on cue. 

She'd come a long way from their last "performance" together, having grown much more confident since. She even agreed to the outfit, a strapless red and white striped dress. Well, a lot of it was covered by a heart-print apron but still. 

"Hey everyone!" She waved at the audience, imagining they were all Frisk (the kid was easy to talk to).

"So Alphys, I understand we're baking cookies today!" He gestured happily to the ingredients laid out on the prop table.

She swallowed nervously, but recovered quickly. "Yup, that's right! Now, let's start with the eggs. Normally, especially for me, it's hard to crack them without getting the shell bits in the bowl. But no more!" She dramatically pulled out a remote and pushed the button, hoping that looked as cool as it felt. This activated a small robot to jump out from under the table.

Mettaton's face was a mixture of shock and betrayal. He had not been told. His smile did not fade.

"Oh, what's that little... thing?" He was doing his best to hide his disgust.

She didn't notice. "It's an egg cracking robot!"

"An egg cracking _robot_!"

"Yeah, it works like this: I just push this button and it identifies the egg and gently separates the shell." She did as described, and at first all was well, until it ran into a problem. 

The first egg went smoothly, but the second one cracked prematurely. The yolk got all over the devices hands. It stared at the yolk. Alphys banged the side of the remote. Mettaton smiled uncomfortably. 

The eggbot's eyes went red.  
-  
Frisk and Flowey were at the snack table, eating all the donuts.

"Hey, what's all that screaming?" Frisk asked.

"With any luck," Flowey spoke without swallowing, "somebody's dying."

"Don't talk with your mouth full."  
-  
Mettaton was panting heavily, having just used the extinguisher in his hands to keep the fire from spreading beyond the set to the stage. Not that the fire meant much to the set, the eggbot had "taken care" of most of it. He and Alphys were both staring at the camera, eyes wide and faces covered in the tell-tale, ashen streaks of having just born witness to a small explosion. Bits of the bot were everywhere. Alphys' mouth was open, but no words would be out of it for a while.

"Welll," Mettaton threw the extinguisher to the side and smoothed out his hair, "tha-that was certainlly something-ing. Plea-Please stay tuuned." The middle curtain closed and the audience was left to themselves, the broadcast on commercial.

"A-A-Alphhhyss!" He began, enraged, but stopped and grabbed his throat. Oh no.


	3. Chapter 3

"H-H-H-Howww ammm-m-m I-eee supposed to-o-o-o-o-o-o-" Frisk put their hands on the distressed robot's mouth while Alphys inspected the damage on his neck. She spoke.

"Look Metta, I'm sorry, but talking is only going to make it worse. The explosion damaged your throat pretty badly."

"The e-e-e-xploosion caused by yu-your li-little-" Frisk put the last, only slightly nibbled, donut in his mouth.

Alphys took her hands from his throat and began to wring them together.

"I-uh-I already sent Undyne off to get your old body. I-I know you want-wanted to do this special in EX, but the, eh, the damage is too extensive to fix in time." She kept readjusting her glasses to avoid looking the very angry robot in the eye. An intern walked up.

"Mr. Mettaton sir, you're back in one minute."

Mettaton screamed something that was likely supposed to be "One minute!?" but instead sounded like a blender somehow managed to produce white noise. At hearing his mangled voice, he began to cry on the floor dramatically. Frisk pet his head.

"It's okay, remember the pre-recorded scene shifts?" They reminded.

Of course! He recorded those in case he got damaged like this! He jumped up from the ground, picking Frisk up and swinging them around. Their reminder was such a relief to him he decided to not even care that they had been touching his hair.

His announcement to the sound cue person was likely "Play the "Welcome Back!" bit." but now his voice sounded like someone jammed a broken tape in backwards and played it at high speeds.

Frisk did their best to translate. "He said to play the clip of him announcing Papyrus." They smiled reassuringly at the robot, but now all he wanted to do was flop on the ground again.

Papyrus' solo. It was the Twelve Days of Christmas, performed entirely by him. 

Just Papyrus.

Loud, tone-deaf Papyrus.

Papyrus who agreed to the sweater but not long pants or the removal of his gloves and cape.

He knew it had to happen eventually, as it was scheduled to occur, he had just been hoping to be in a better mood when it did.

-

"Wowie, I'm really going on!" Papyrus told Flowey as he waited to be cued onstage. "I'm really singing on Mettaton's show!"

"Hooray." The flower droned, sipping some cocoa Frisk gave him.

Mettaton's pre-recorded voice announced the skeleton to the stage. He giggled with glee as he walked on.

The music started up, he cleared his throat, everyone who knew him braced for what came next.

"ON THE FIRST DAY OF CHRISTMAS, MY COOL FRIEND GAVE TO ME-" And so it began.

Flowey watched from the side, wondering if lacking emotions made him exempt from second hand embarrassment. Nope. He cringed in his pot as that skeleton gave his tuneless all. The flower then thought of consequences, of human cruelty and how annoying it would be if Papyrus cried or something because then Frisk would cry and he would never hear the end of it...

Ah geez. He had an idea.

He told Frisk to carry him to the others, who all seemed to be concerned with trying to comfort/restrain Mettaton, who looked to be having some kind of meltdown.

"Ahem." He said loudly and aggressively. Eyes were on him. "Here's a thought."  
-  
Papyrus was nearing the middle of the song and most of the audience looked like they couldn't take it anymore (not that he noticed). 

"-FIVE GOLDEN RINGS!" As soon as he sang it, Frisk slid onto the stage on their knees, stopping just in front of him. Raised in their hands: a pink pillow with the mentioned rings. Papyrus was startled, but continued on. When he got to the next loop and announced the six geese, Toriel ran onstage, presenting to him the birds. 

The rest of the song continued in this fashion, with various cast members joining with the mentioned offering. The audience began to warm up to the performance, the gifts being seen as funny background events; and besides, not even the humans could find a reason to resent Papyrus when he was blushing like that.

When he reached the last gift, everyone began to dance around him, playing with their gift somehow. Even though it was mostly awkward and uncoordinated, it was also endearing to see everyone try so hard, especially when Frisk jumped up to balance the ring pillow on Papyrus' head. As he reached the lyrics before the fifth, more people yet ran on to present their gifts, until finally...

"-AND A PARTRIDGE ON A PEAR TREEEEEEE!" Papyrus held the note as long as he could, until, surprising everyone, Sans calmly shuffled onstage and placed a small wooden bird glued to a pear in his brothers hand. Everything was quiet as everyone watched Papyrus take notice of this last gift as he finished singing. 

"Sans, really? How could you be so incredibly lazy? This is not at all a partridge in a pear tree as the song so clearly states! You have messed up so simple a task! This is one of the laziest displays I've ever seen from you!" 

Sans shrugged. "I guess it's pretty a-pear-ent that I could've tried harder." The audience busted into a healthy mixture of laughs and annoyed groans.

"That wasn't funny!" Papyrus shouted, which only made everyone laugh more.

"You all clearly have absolutely no standard of comedy!" He lamented further.

"C'mon Pap, where's your funny bone?" Sans asked, somehow prompting more laughter.

"Nyaaaagh! That wasn't even a joke!" Papyrus' eyes bugged and the curtain closed on his distressed form. Everyone watching was beside themselves with laughter.  
-  
"Sorry if I stole your thunder there, bro." Sans said, draping himself on the charred couch in the green room. Papyrus handed him some cocoa.

"It's fine, even if your gift was as terrible as your puns. I'm happy you showed up at all!" 

"'Course I did, how could I pass up hearing you sing, especially for TV?"

Papyrus looked excited. "You heard my incredible singing?"

Sans smiled lazily. "Yeah bro, 10/10."

Papyrus then began to chatter to his brother about how this performance would definitely make him a huge star. Flowey was in the break room too, pointedly ignoring the skeletons. Frisk sat next to him.

"Hey Flowey."

"Hmm." He gruffed. They kissed one of his petals.

"Thanks."

Flowey wondered if no emotions stopped him from feeling first hand embarrassment. Nope.


End file.
